


Maybe

by gayygabby



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-28 00:07:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14437158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayygabby/pseuds/gayygabby
Summary: Nicole never believed she was good enough. Nicole knew love never lasted, and people she needed the most left. She needed to get away, far away.A sad take on Nicole’s backstory before she came to Purgatory, and what goes on when she meets Waverly





	Maybe

It began when she was 6. She heard the shrill slam of the front door that shook the whole house. She heard a revving of an engine in the driveway and saw her father’s car speed down the driveway. Nicole took off down the street chasing and screaming at her father’s car, as he drove off. Behind her she heard the harsh sound of her mother’s voice telling her to get back inside.

“Where’s daddy going?” Nicole’s short red hair was blown in every direction, as tears welled up in her eyes.

 

“He’s going away for a while” Her mother says as she runs her hand over Nicole’s face

 

“Why?” Nicole’s small body begans to cry as she looked up at her mother with so many questions.

 

“You’ll understand, one day. But not today” Her mother’s voice became raspier, she placed a gentle kiss to Nicole’s cheek

 

It happens again when she’s 12. Nicole is now an awkward middle school girl; her cheeks are chubby and her clothes fall uncomfortably against her changing body. Nicole begins to feel different. Nicole watches as her friends are getting asked out with slips of paper and watches as her friends hug their boyfriends by their lockers. Nicole thinks boys have germs and doesn’t want to be near them.

 

Nicole’s mom tells her to get involved in something. Nicole tells her she’s going to try out for the basketball team.

 

Nicole meets Emma on the first day of tryouts. Both girls make the team

 

Nicole and Emma become best friends instantly. Nicole feels different, but she doesn’t know why.

 

Emma gets a boyfriend in the summer after 7th grade

 

Nicole feels like she’s going to be sick when Emma tells her. Nicole thinks it’s because she doesn’t want Emma to forget about her. Emma and Nicole still have sleepovers every weekend and fall asleep pressed up against each other.

 

Nicole tries to ignore the pounding in her heart when she wakes up each morning with Emma curled tightly around her.

 

Emma tells Nicole she has the prettiest hair she’s seen and how much she loves her

 

Nicole can’t seem to find her voice

 

Emma never leaves Nicole’s house without pressing a kiss to her cheek. Nicole begins to understand why she feels different

 

Nicole kisses Emma on the lips one night, and Emma kisses her back

 

Neither girl speaks of it the next morning

 

The kissing continues into the 8th grade and Nicole doesn’t know what it means. They never talk about it, but deep-down Nicole knows why they don’t.

 

Nicole thinks about what this all means. She only allows herself to think about it when she’s alone. Nicole knows that kissing Emma reminds her of all the love songs she hears on the radio. Nicole doesn’t have it all figured out yet, but she knows she’ll want Emma to kiss her forever.

 

Emma tells Nicole she should get a boyfriend. Nicole doesn’t understand. Nicole doesn’t want a boyfriend because she has Emma.

 

Emma tells her they can’t kiss anymore. That next year they’re going to high school and she isn’t gay.  

 

Nicole cries herself to sleep that night, she holds her hand over her mouth as she sobs into her pillow. Nicole finally understands. Nicole likes girls and that fills her with tremendous amounts of fear.

 

Emma doesn’t talk to her after that. Nicole cries for months after that, wishing the dull pain in her chest would fade

 

16, is when it happens again. Nicole became more comfortable in her skin as she went through the first year of high school. High school wasn’t great, but she had all of her friends and nothing was stopping her from succeeding. Nicole gradually began to come out to her friends who had been nothing but supportive and loving.

 

Nicole felt like life was going good for her

 

Until she got paired with Alex Haney for a project

 

Alex was someone everyone wanted or wanted to be associated with

 

She had the looks, smarts, and talents that made her irresistible

 

Nicole had secretly been crushing on Alex since her freshman year. Nicole felt her entire body heat up when Alex walked into the room. Nicole silently gazed at her from the back of the classroom like a lovesick puppy.  

 

Her teacher shouted out names for pairs for partners

 

“Nicole Haught and Alex Haney” Her teacher said as she moved on to the next pair.

 

Alex looked back at her with a bright smile, and Nicole felt her heart race. After the bell rung, Alex walked over to Nicole and grabbed her notebook.

 

“Here, so we can figure out when to meet” Alex handed back the notebook and walked out of the classroom. Nicole stood frozen as she looked at the number scribbled down.

 

Nicole wore her nicest clothes to their first meeting and pulled her hair back into a braid. Sitting in the café where they agreed to meet, Nicole began fiddling with her hands as she waited for Alex. Alex all but ran into the café still wearing her field hockey jersey and her book bag flying around her shoulder.

 

“I’m so sorry Nicole, the game ran late” Nicole nearly fainted at the sight of Alex in her jersey. Nicole quickly cleared her throat

 

“It’s totally okay, I have nowhere else to be” Nicole regretted how lame she sounded as soon as she said that.

 

“I like the braid” Alex said with a smile and reaching over the table and gently touching Nicole’s hair. Nicole felt her heart stop as Alex’s fingers ran over her hair.

  

Over the course of the project Nicole and Alex become friends. Nicole began to develop more and more feelings for the girl as time went on, but Alex was straight and had a boyfriend. Nicole tried to keep as much distance as she could

 

Nicole couldn’t stop the ache in her chest for Alex

 

Alex broke up with her boyfriend, and Nicole was there to comfort her. Alex invited her over to her house for a sleepover. Nicole wanted to say no, she knew it wasn’t a good idea.

 

But how was she supposed to say no to Alex

 

“I’ve seen the way you look at me” Alex said as they silently in bed next to each other. Nicole begins to panic and sits up to go, but Alex places a soft hand on Nicole’s wrist

 

“It’s okay, I think I feel something too” Nicole’s eyes bulged as she turned around to face Alex

 

“I-uh” Nicole stuttered as her mouth became extremely dry. Alex’s hands reached up and brushed the hair off of Nicole’s forehead. Alex guided Nicole’s lips to hers and Nicole thought this is heaven. Finally, someone who adores her back.

 

Nicole gave herself to Alex that night. As the sun rose in the morning. Nicole uttered the three words, she was saving for someone special.

 

“I love you” Nicole whispered as she placed a kiss onto Alex’s forehead.

 

The following Monday, Nicole saw Alex making out with her ex-boyfriend against the lockers.

 

Nicole dropped the cup in her hand as it shattered across the hallway floor

 

Alex met Nicole’s eyes, and Nicole took off. Nicole ran for as long as she could before, she couldn’t breathe anymore.

 

Alex graduated early and left without a goodbye

 

Nicole swore she would never open herself up again

 

Because she was never good enough for the people that left

 

And wouldn’t be good enough for anyone in the future

 

At 19, it happened again.

 

Nicole met a girl named Tegan and everything changed. Nicole had given her heart up again, I mean how could she not.

 

Tegan was everything Nicole had ever dreamed of

 

Tegan had said Nicole had nothing to fear, that she would be there. Nicole felt her defenses come down. Nicole thought she was finally safe in someone’s arms. Nicole could let the fear slide away.

 

Nicole fell madly in love and for the first time she thought it was going to be good

 

It was going to be Nicole and Tegan taking over the world

 

Nicole could vision Tegan walking down to meet her at the alter

 

Having a life together, till they were grey and old, Nicole wanted nothing more, just Tegan.

 

Nicole gave everything she had to Tegan and it still wasn’t enough.

 

Nothing Nicole did was ever enough.

 

She sat in bed and cried for hours upon hours. Nicole didn’t want to talk to anyone, she wanted to disappear.

 

She thought to herself everyone leaves in the end

 

So, what’s the point of even trying, when nobody keeps their promises

 

At 24, she meets Shae in Las Vegas.

 

Nicole and Shae hit it off, both drunk off Britney Live and big wins at the slot machine

 

They get married in a cheap chapel and Shae’s lips taste like whisky

 

Nicole drinks so much that she hopes to forget about anyone before Shae

 

Nicole can’t think about that now

  

Nicole wakes up with Shae’s limbs entangled in her own. Nicole curses to herself as she untangles herself from Shae.

 

She sees the ring on her hand and instantly takes it off and places it on the bed side table

 

Nicole writes a note saying she’s made a mistake and she needs to go

 

Nicole is 26 and she moves to Purgatory. Nicole has no idea where this place is on a map, but she knows she needs to go. She gets a job at the local police station, it pays well and she’s glad to be starting off in a new place.

 

Nicole is walking through town one morning in her uniform when she sees a young woman heading into a bar with a sign that says “Shorty’s” above it. Nicole not knowing anyone thinks it might be good to get to know the towns folks. Nicole has only heard talk about Wynonna and Waverly Earp. The Earp’s apparently were known for causing trouble in Purgatory.

 

Nicole enters Shorty’s and sees the young woman trying to shut off the beer tab, as it flies all over her shirt. Nicole can’t help but laugh at the struggle of the young woman. She suddenly finds herself yelling out to Waverly

 

“I didn’t know Shorty’s had wet t-shirt competitions”

 

Nicole felt something jump in her chest as the younger woman turned around to look at her.

 

No, Nicole would not let this happen.

 

Nicole could appreciate Waverly’s beauty, but that was it.

 

Nicole became friends with Waverly

 

Waverly introduced Nicole to Wynonna, Doc, and Dolls

 

Nicole finally felt like she might belong here in Purgatory

 

Waverly was unlike anyone else Nicole has ever met. Something kept pulling her closer to Waverly.

 

Nicole was afraid of getting too close with Waverly

 

Something about her sweet attitude and joyous disposition made it hard for Nicole to stay away 

 

Nicole would pull herself back from Waverly, but Waverly kept inching closer

 

Waverly kisses her in Nedley’s office and Nicole all but runs away afterwards

 

She can hear Waverly yelling out after her

 

Nicole can still feel Waverly’s lips on hers.

 

Nicole never wanted to hurt Waverly, but she knew this was the only thing that would keep her heart safe. Nicole could sense Waverly’s hurt when she would turn down a hangout or a phone call. Nicole couldn’t let Waverly break her down.

 

But Waverly kissing her with something she definitely could not deal with

 

Nicole heard a knock on her door. She slowly picked up her gun on the table and made her way to the door. She wasn’t expecting any visitors and especially not at this hour.

 

“Nicole Haught, I know you’re in there”

 

Waverly

 

Nicole placed her gun down and opened the door to see Waverly wrapped in a heavy coat with an angry expression on her face. Waverly walks into Nicole’s apartment and begins to pace

 

“You said you were working late tonight. So, I stopped by the office to bring you dinner and I find out. You aren’t even there” Waverly stands in front of Nicole with hands on her hips.

 

“Waver- “

 

“No, don’t you think I’ve realized how absent you’ve been lately” Nicole feels her heart beat pick up and she rubs her hand around the back of her neck.

 

“Did I do something wrong, should I not have kissed you?” Waverly’s voice falters a little and Nicole feels like the biggest ass in the world for making her feel bad.

 

“Waverly, you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s me”

 

“Don’t give me the cliché, it’s not you, it’s me line” Waverly moves closer to Nicole reaching out to touch her hands

  

“What’s going on?” Nicole feels tears brim at the back of her eyes, because she can’t get into this. Not now, not ever. Nicole shakes her head as she tries to pull back her hands

 

“Nicole, stop. Talk to me” Waverly is pleading and Nicole can’t stop her body from shaking as tears start to roll down her face. Nicole could feel Waverly wrap her arms around Nicole and walk them to the couch. Waverly’s hands ran up and down Nicole’s back until she caught her breath

 

“Waverly, I’m terrified” Waverly gave Nicole a puzzled look, but gently ran her hands over Nicole’s arms.

 

“I’m not good enough” Nicole feels more tears roll down her cheek as she tries to turn away from Waverly.

 

“Hey, don’t say that. Nicole, you’re extraordinary.” Nicole shakes her head and can see tears start to fall down Waverly’s cheeks.

 

“You don’t understand. I’m not someone that is loved for a long time. I’m the toy that everyone tosses to the side once they get bored” Nicole gets flashes of memories of her father, Emma, Alex, Tegan and Shae.

 

“I’m not someone anyone fights for” Waverly pulls Nicole closer to her, and runs her thumbs across Nicole’s cheeks.

 

“I’m willing to fight” Waverly says looking into Nicole’s eyes

 

“Waverly, I’m nothing but damaged goods”

 

“Nicole, you came into town and flipped my whole world upside down. You’re a fantastic cop and even better person. You are everything. Nicole Haught, you are good enough. I will spend however long it takes for you to believe me” Nicole’s tears now turn into sobs as she hears Waverly’s words

 

“I can’t lose you” Nicole chokes out as she sobs into Waverly’s shoulder

 

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I know you don’t want to hear my promises, but I know that I’m going to be here for you. You don’t have to be scared anymore” Nicole removes herself from Waverly’s shoulder and presses a hard kiss to her mouth. Her heart instantly calms at the feeling of Waverly touching and kissing her.

 

Nicole doesn’t think she’s ever felt so calm

 

Maybe this is what love was really about

 

A calmness in your heart

 

Or maybe that just comes with finding the right person

 

Nicole thinks maybe she’s found that person

 


End file.
